That's My Girl!

Remember my wish list?

I wish…..

3. My oldest daughter would take modeling serious.

Last week, one of Lauren’s close friends went to have some family photos made at a local studio. While there, the photographer was talking about some new ideas they had for the upcoming school year.

This particular photographer is trying to grab as much of the high school senior photo opportunities as he can and is going to do some advertising.

He asked “Ryan” (name changed) if he knew of any models who would be interested in doing some work. Ryan replies, “As a matter of fact, I do” and shows him a picture of Lauren that he has saved in his cell phone. The photographer gives Ryan his card and asks for Lauren to call him.

The following day, another one of Lauren’s friends gives her a call. It’s one of her guy friends who is a model and makes money doing it. This particular friend, who has talked to her about it before, practically begs her to go to his agency with a portfolio.

So…..Lauren calls the photographer, negotiates a portfolio for service deal (portfolios are quite expensive) and BAM! There you go!

YOU GO GIRL!!! DADDY NEEDS A CORVETTE!!!!

The Razor

Being a guy, I have to shave almost every day. Being a hairy guy, I should shave more than my face but hey, what’s a balding hairy guy to do? Anyways…. Not only do I have to shave my face, I shave my head as well (Ironic isn’t it). Well….my head is a bit sensitive, so I have to go upscale on the razors. Now I use disposables, but they are top of the line. Like ten bucks for an eight pack. Being so dang expensive, I like to use them as long as I can. I would like to have one last about a week. Sounds reasonable but OH NO!

Carri likes to buy these cheap pieces of caca from the Dollar Store. Oh….they have three blades, but I swear, I think they are made by the blind in some sweatshop in a third world country.

Does she use them? Nooooooo. Every freakin time she needs to shave (not often enough), does she get a “Carri” special from under the sink? Nope! She grabs my razor from the counter and uses it! So when I come in to shave……POOF….no razor. I have to dig under the sink….move all the cheap caca boxes out of the way looking for the good stuff!

I swear…right now…there are three (I just got up and counted) “good” razors in the bathtub!!! All rusted up with chunks of hair hangin out of them!!!! She can’t even throw them away!

It’s all good until I run out of good ones. Then I have a dilemma. Do I use one of the new “caca” razors and end up looking like a cast member of the living dead, or do I take a chance of using a “bathtub” razor? Taking the chance of cutting myself and getting lockjaw along with some god awful “chunk o’ hair” bacteria disease!

Well..you probably guessed it. I inspect all the “bathtub” razors and pick out the one that is least likely to kill me!

Why should anyone have to deal with this at 7am in the morning!!!

Well….I know you are all feeling sorry for me right now….but let me tell you. Revenge is sweet! When she’s not looking, and I’m in the shower, I use her loofah to clean my crevices! Ha!

Freakin Razor Stealer!!!

What's that?

I have this pair of cargo shorts that I wear all the time. Really….at least twice a week! They are comfortable, convenient, and talk about the storage space. I came home one day and my wife gives them to me after a day of shopping. I love those shorts! Well..I used to.

Last weekend Carri and I went to the Steve Miller Band concert with another couple. We all got a room at a Hotel close enough to the venue so that there would be no driving involved. While the ladies are getting ready, we all have a few beverages and for all accounts, it looks like it’s gonna be a good time. Well….it’s time to leave the room and head out, so Carri asks me to carry a few of her items…..ID, gum, etc… etc. No problem…..I have my handy dandy cargo shorts on.

We’re walking..walking until we get to the gate. At the gate there is a line for patrons where some “workers” are checking everyone for nuclear bombs or something…no biggie. Well, it’s my turn and the pat down lady (we will call her Pat) asks me to pull my shirt tight around my waist so she can see my waistline. I think she just wanted to check out the sixpack….but whatever. No bombs. Then she asks me if I have anything in the cargo area of my cargo shorts. Ummm…..why yes I do Pat. Then she asks me to press the material of my shorts against my leg so she can see the outline of my...ah hem...items. No problem…..

Pat: What’s that?

Me: My wallet.

Pat: What’s that?

Me: My keys.

Pat: What’s that?

Me: Can of tobacco.

Pat: What’s that?

Me: What?

Pat: That!

Me: I…uhhh…..(looking at her…dumbfounded…stalling)

Pat: What is that sir?

Me: I don't know what you're.......

Pat: That! Right there! (as she puts her hand on it and starts squeezing it)

Me: Hey! It’s a freakin TAMPON lady! But it’s not mine! My wife made me….(smack upside the head)......OUCH!!......(the death stare). Never mind.

Pat: Ok sir…move along! (Big dumb grin on her face)

Stupid Shorts!

Shocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suspected cop killer wasn't supposed to be in US

Past criminal conviction resulted in deportation

(9/22/06 - KTRK/HOUSTON) - The man who allegedly shot HPD Officer Rodney Johnson was in the country illegally, and Houston Police Chief Harold Hurtt says the federal government shares some of the responsibility for his death.Juan Leonardo Quintero is a Mexican national who was deported after he was found guilty of a felony crime. But his common-law wife says he continued to come back and forth across the border to Houston undetected.

Until Thursday, Quintero worked as a day laborer and landscaper. But work was becoming more difficult due to health problems, according to an unidentified family friend.

Quintero had legal problems, too. He was found guilty seven years ago of fondling a Pasadena girl.



.....We will be deporting him again. IN A BODY BAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blessed be those who serve and protect!

An officer has been fatally shot by a suspect he pulled over on a traffic stop.

---

---

Video: Mayor Bill White and HPD Chief Harold Hurtt address the media following the fatal shooting of an officer Thursday.

The incident happened on Randolph at Braniff, just south of Hobby Airport at about 5:30pm (Thursday 9-21-06). Officer Rodney Johnson pulled over a large white pickup with a man and a woman inside.

The male was handcuffed and placed in the back seat of Johnson's patrol car. Somehow, the suspect shot Officer Johnson as he sat in the front seat of the vehicle. Johnson was able to push an emergency button, alerting dispatch.

Officers arrived at the scene to find the suspect still sitting in the patrol car. He was still handcuffed. A weapon was recovered at the scene. The man was taken into custody.

Officer Rodney Johnson was a 12 year veteran of the Houston Police force.

Officer Johnson was taken to Ben Taub Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. He is survived by his wife, Joselyn Johnson, who is also a member of the HPD force. The couple have five children, ages 14 to 19.

Officer Johnson was 40 years old. He was a 12 year veteran of the force. Before becoming an officer, he was a jailer.

The suspect is described as an Hispanic male, about 32 years old. He is in police custody, but they have not been able to verify his identity.

The woman who was in the vehicle during the traffic stop apparently walked away from the scene. Police have been in contact with her. She's believed to be cooperating with police.

...... May God have mercy on his soul!
...... To the Johnson family, from my heart....I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, father, and Texas Hero!
...... To the shooter...You're a piece of SHIT! (sorry, but thats how I feel.....He's a piece of shit)

I WISH.......

I wish….

1. The TV show “The Office” was on every night.

2. Carri would mow the grass.

3. My oldest daughter would take modeling serious.

4. My youngest daughter would apply herself in sports.

5. My son wasn’t so damn good looking (just kidding).

6. People wouldn’t expect Police Officers to be perfect.

7. No child anywhere ever got hurt again.

8. My back would stop hurting. :)
   

9. I had a Corvette.

10. Carri would stop using my razors!

I'm Back Baby!!!

To all my fans! Thanks for checking by. I would just like to say that the day I started this blog, I had consumed a few beverages. It took me this long to figure out what my user name and password was! Believe me, I have been trying. So…

To Ronni…..No! I will not be a one post wonder! Thank you so much for being my first commenter(errr,rrr, whatever)

To TeeDee…..Girl, you know how to make a man feel good! We miss you!

To Prestons Girl…..Do I know you? Ha! Just kidding, I know who you are, even though we have never met. How you doin?

To Anonymous……What the hell? You trying to say I’m fat? Bend over! I got a Diet Coke for ya!!!! Who you be? C’mon! You scared? Identify yourself.

To my secret lurker fan……I know who you are baby! I’m talking to ya! Sista, thanks for having a Brotha’s back and alerting me to the Diet Coke Menace!! Girl, you need to come see us!!! And yes…..we will have an ADULTS ONLY blog soon! For our best stories!!!!!

I have sooooo much to say……..but for now…

(in my best Elvis voice)

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

The Truth about Sixteen Sisters

Hello. I'm married to Carri. She's a NUT! Want to know why her blog is called Sixteen Sisters? It's because she has fifteen other people living in her head. So....that means I have to deal with all of them. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes it's not. But mostly....it is. Anyway, I dont really have anything to say....this is a first post...to check her reaction. Man....I wish I was on a deserted island....lying in a hammock right now. Drinking rum and coke.